i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well you can't waste a boner
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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