Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize