I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
