I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
