My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
