my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
