so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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