don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
