It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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