so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
