Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
