I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
