It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
