1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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