The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
