Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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