why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
