i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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