Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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