I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
