Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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