is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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