You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
