His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
