Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When are your genitals available?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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