erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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