Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
