There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
