yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
