mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
