you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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