I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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