i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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