exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
