Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
