It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
