She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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