Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize