I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
