so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
