i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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