1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the liver wants what the liver wants
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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