Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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