I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
