Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
