I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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