carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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