when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
