Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
