Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
