i think my mom watched the whole time
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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