Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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