It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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