Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
