Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
