before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There r osticjed everywhere
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
