Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
