her vagine was all disorganized.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
