Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
