fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize