apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm too high and old for this...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
