my mouth tastes like poor choices
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
