She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
