my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
