omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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