someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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